Don’t get so busy planning a memory that you forget to be in the moment, that’s the heart of what Melbourne wedding celebrant and MC Megan Jordan wants every couple to know before they book a single vendor. Here, she makes the case for putting the ceremony back at the centre of your wedding day, and shares the exact questions she asks herself and her couples to guide them there.

Don’t get so busy planning a memory, that you forget to be in the moment.

In a world that can feel so uncertain, I feel like the choice to marry, is a radical act of love, hope and optimism. And the choice to share the moment with your friends and family, is such a generous gift.

Often, once you start your wedding research, you are bombarded by messages that imply that how your wedding looks, and how it will be captured, is so much more important than how it feels.

But as you take a nice deep breath, and stand opposite your partner on the day of your wedding, everything else just falls away.

And you realise that at the heart of your day, is not a curated aesthetic, or gold stars for booking the hottest tog in town, it’s your choice to marry, and your deep desire to share that moment, with the people who mean the most to you.

And spoiler alert: No one is grading your wedding against a bingo card of wild experiences.

Everyone is there because they love you and they are just so darn thrilled that they get to share the day with you. And if you are having fun, they will have fun too. It’s as easy as that.

Photo by Amanda Alessi Photography via Bec & Elliot’s Bright Picnic Wedding in Melbourne

Let’s cut out the noise.

In a world that is fast and loose, where scrolling on the loo is the new norm, and our attention is commodified at every turn, it can be easy to lose sight of the purpose of a wedding.

What you’re building together isn’t a seating chart, or a wedding entry flash mob, but instead a deep and lasting connection, that is strong enough to weather any storm that comes your way.

A wedding should be a wholehearted celebration, of your free choice, to share your lives together in marriage.

And your ceremony, is at the heart of this choice. It’s the getting married part. The whole reason that you’re there.

Everything else is just noise.

When you plan your wedding around your ceremony, and make your ceremony a space where you feel comfortable and relaxed and present, then everything else just flows.

Authentic Connection is King

The ceremony that feels right for you, might not already have its own Pinterest Board or viral TikTok.

A ceremony and a wedding day that is right for you, will create a space where you feel comfortable and welcome.

It will celebrate the little and big things that make you happy.

And it will create the space for you to connect meaningfully with one another, and the people you choose to share the day with.

Photo by Immerse Photography

Think about your ‘Why’.

When I married my husband 14 years ago, neither of us spoke about why we were getting married. At the time, it felt like just what you did at that stage of life.

I didn’t work in the wedding industry yet, so you can imagine my surprise, when one of the most unexpected joys of the wedding planning process, was sitting down to prepare our ceremony.

When we sat together, with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits, and carved out the time to talk about why we were getting married and what felt important to us, we had our ‘ah-ha’ moment.

And from there, every decision felt easier.

Reclaiming Your Wedding: A Heart-Led Invitation From Me to You.

Step 1: Before you do or book ANYTHING. Just stop, and take a breath.

Step 2: Plan a date night some place you both love and pour yourself a glass of something special.

Step 3: Bring along a pen and paper, and answer these three magic questions:

  • Why are you getting married?
  • If you are choosing to have a wedding, why does it feel important to you?
  • How do you want to feel on the day?

When you ground your ceremony and your wedding more broadly in ‘Your Why’, your celebration will feel connected, intentional and purposeful.

Once you know ‘Your Why’ every other decision feels easier too.

Photo by It’s Beautiful Here

Your Wedding Values

This is your invitation to be a part of a quiet resistance.

Let go of anything that detracts from your connection to one another. And instead embrace those elements of the day that just fill you up with joy.

We do that, by identifying our Wedding Values.

See if you can distil all those thoughts and feelings from your Wedding Why, down to just 3 values.

Maybe your Wedding Values are; Generosity, Presence and Connection.

Or maybe they are; Fun, Relaxation and Authenticity.

Or maybe; Family, Abundance and Ease.

Once you have your 3 Wedding Values, write them up, and put them somewhere super visible in your home.

Stick a post it on your computer, decorate some poster board and hang it in a frame where you make your cups of tea, or even write it on a piece of paper and take a selfie of the two of you holding it up, and save it as your lock screen.

Then every single time you have to make a decision about your wedding, or your ceremony, run that decision through your wedding values, and let them guide you.

If one of your values is being Relaxed;

  • Maybe skip the big entrance or choose to walk in together.
  • Pad every transition in your day with extra time, so that you don’t feel rushed, and can be present and enjoy the little in between joys of the day.
  • Avoid the things that give you the ick. Maybe you loathe public speaking, so personal vows in front of all your guests aren’t for you. Maybe you choose to share your personal vows privately. Maybe you don’t share any at all.

It’s okay to say no, or to reshape how something looks, so that feels good in your body.

If one of your values is Generosity;

  • Make sure you have tonnes of food and beverages not just at the reception, but straight after the ceremony too.
  • You can cut your cake straight after the signing, and serve it with champers for all your guests. Or give your guests a little lolly bag post ceremony, to keep them going till the reception.
  • Maybe you love all your people so much you can’t choose who you would like to be a witness, so instead we hold a witness raffle, and pull the names of your chosen two out of a hat instead.
  • Send all your gorgeous guests home with a bunch of flowers put together from your floral arrangements.

If one of your values is Family;

  • Look for ways you can meaningfully include your people in your day such as a ring warming.
  • Both of you can walk into your ceremony with your parents or people who have been super special in your lives. This not only gives your best people a moment in the sun, but also a chance to publicly greet and welcome your partner’s family as their own too.
  • Acknowledge an absent loved one in a way that feels right for you; with a toast shared using their favourite drink, or an empty chair, or by carrying a special token that is just for you alone. Make it meaningful and unique to you.

Having a clear idea of what your Wedding Values are, will help you pare back the dead wood on your day and will organically drive you towards curating a day that not only looks good, but makes you feel good too.

Photo by Finder Seeker Photography

Choosing an Intentional Way Forward

Whatever your wedding looks like, at its heart, is the connection you share, and the marriage you will build, on the strong foundations you have already laid down.

You might find as you’re planning your wedding, that your Wedding Values are actually how you approach your life too.

And what better way to move through this world as a team, than by making sure that all your decisions are grounded in what matters most to you.

I wish you all the joy, love and easy courage in planning a wedding that feels just right for you. But more than that, I wish you an intentional, love filled and fabulous married life together.

About the author: Megan Jordan is a Melbourne-based Marriage Celebrant, Emcee and Facilitator. Megan specialises in ceremonies that mean something. Ceremonies that make you feel something. Warm, joyful, colourful stories that take you and your people on a journey. Ceremonies full of heart and laughs and cheeky moments of shared delight. No cheese. No cringe. Just you, your best people, and a few promises to guide the beautiful life you have laid out ahead of you. Find her website here and follow her on Instagram.

Header photo by Nikki McCrone Photography