“Congratulations! Wed shred starts now!”
Kate* looked down at her phone, reading the latest comment on her engagement announcement post on Instagram, and her stomach dropped.
Amongst the comments about how gorgeous her ring was, how perfect she and her fiance were together, and how excited people were that she was getting married, were the – supposedly well-meaning – comments about ‘shredding for the wedding’.
It had begun.
When ‘Wed Shred’ Comments Start Rolling In
The pressure on women to diet in the lead up to their big day in order to ‘look their best’ or fit into a dress is nothing new.
For years, couples have had a long list of things to do before the wedding: order the flowers, choose the flavour of the cake, finalise the guest list, and… lose 10kg?
A 2008 study found that over 70% of women 1 were trying to lose weight in the lead-up to their wedding, and almost half of those women were using extreme weight loss methods to achieve those goals.
Reading those statistics makes me incredibly sad – but not surprised.
As a body image speaker, coach and educator, I have spoken to countless women who felt the intense pressure to lose weight for their wedding. Many of them are women who have unsubscribed from diet culture and chosen a more neutral approach to their bodies – prioritising acceptance and respect over aesthetic goals and tying their confidence to their appearance.
Yet as soon as they had an engagement ring on their finger, it’s like all body positive bets were off.
Their friends were giggling about getting the ‘wed shred’ started and asking if they’d upped their gym sessions.
Their mums were suggesting buying their wedding dress in a size down so they “won’t need to take it in as much after they diet”.
Their sponsored Instagram ads were for weight-loss medications or ‘wedding body’ online bootcamps.
Even though they’d done so much work in healing their relationships with their bodies, the noise felt all-consuming – and there was no way to switch it off.
The Perfect Body-Image Storm
Weddings are the perfect storm for image pressures and body image struggles. Many of us have visualised the day since we were young; picturing ourselves in front of all of our friends and family, in a beautiful dress, holding the hands of the person we love. And that visualisation carries a deeper expectation: “This is going to be the most perfect day of my life.”
So, of course we want perfection for ourselves. We want to look the best we’ve ever looked, especially when we’ll be the centre of attention and will look back at the photos for the rest of our lives!
Yet the desire to look our ‘best’ can come at a cost – one that leaves a mark long after the marriage certificate is signed.
The Cost of Shredding for the Wedding
While it may seem harmless to just want to ‘tone up a little’ or ‘feel more confident’, buying into the wed shred culture can easily spiral into something much darker.
You start feeling anxious around food, and stressed when you can’t control what you’re eating. You stand in front of the mirror and pick your body apart, honing in on your perceived flaws. You’re constantly aware of the way your body looks, so that instead of being fully present – soaking in the joy, the love and the once-in-a-lifetime moments – a part of you is always slightly outside it, watching yourself and managing your body.
I’ve spoken to women who told me that they spent the morning of their wedding worrying about how bloated they felt. Or that they couldn’t enjoy their hens party, because they were trying to stay ‘on track’. Or even that they look back at their wedding photos months later, and they can’t even remember the joy of the day – because all they can think about is what they thought about their body.
This is the part that nobody warns you about – the hidden cost of dieting or shredding for the wedding.
What to Do Instead
As a society, we’ve normalised the idea that if we change our bodies, we’ll feel happier and more confident… yet that’s not true.
Confidence and happiness come from the inside, not the way that you look. If you want to feel confident and happy on your wedding day, don’t focus on changing your body – focus on changing your relationship with it.
Because body image isn’t about what you look like. It’s about how you perceive yourself, which comes entirely from what’s going on in your mind, not what’s going on with your appearance. No amount of weight loss or ‘shredding’ can give you that confidence if it’s not already there.
The women who feel the most confident on their wedding day aren’t the ones who changed their bodies the most. They’re the ones who allowed themselves to be fully present in it: to laugh, to cry, and to soak it all in without constantly monitoring how they look.
I remember a moment that captured this perfectly.
The night before one of my closest friends’ weddings, we went out for Cold Rock. As we sat in a booth, eating our icecreams and chatting excitedly about what the next day (and the rest of her married life!) would bring, the thought hit me: “This is what it’s about”.
The joy of a wedding comes to a culmination on the big day, but it’s also made up of the many moments leading up to it.
Tasting wedding cakes without worrying about the calorie content.
Trying on your dress and feeling like a princess, rather than sucking in to fit a smaller size.
Feeling excitement and anticipation in the lead up, not anxiety over the way you look.
Or enjoying icecream and pizza with your best friend the night before, with not a care in the world about how your body may look the next day.
So instead of asking “How can I change my body before my wedding?”, try asking “How do I want to feel on my wedding day?”.
Then let that answer guide your choices in the lead-up – not the pressure to shrink yourself into someone you think you’re supposed to be.
Your Permission Slip to do Things Differently
Right now, you might be feeling like Kate was: pressured, doubting herself, and anxious about how she’d resist when the world kept telling her what she ‘should’ be doing.
I want you to remind yourself of one thing in those moments: You are in charge of your own body, and you are allowed to opt out.
You are allowed to say “no, I’m not doing that” when somebody asks how much weight you’re planning to lose before the big day.
You are allowed to ban discussion of weight loss and ‘shredding’ during all wedding preparation.
You are allowed to prioritise self-care and joy over focusing on your appearance.
I got a message from Kate the day after she got married. She had been steadfast in her resistance of bridal diet culture, and her body hadn’t changed one bit since the proposal. It said…
“I cried with happiness when I saw myself in my dress. Not because I was so happy with the way I looked (although I did look beautiful, if I do say so myself!), but because it was finally real that I was marrying the love of my life. That’s what the day was always supposed to be about, and I’m so happy that I finally realised that.”
When you and your partner are old and grey, the thing you’ll remember is the love and joy of the day – not the size of your wedding dress.
*name changed for privacy
Reference:
Author Bio: Jemma Rose is a body image and confidence speaker, educator and coach helping women unlearn the belief that their worth is defined by their body, and to build confidence that isn’t dependent on appearance. Her work challenges the cultural narratives that keep women stuck, while equipping them with the tools to create lasting change – both individually and for the next generation. You can find her at https://jemmarose.com.au/ or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/thejemmarose
*Cover Image: Photography: Nikki Harris from Gemma & Rhys’ Flower Filled Summer Garden Wedding
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