When it comes to weddings, it’s easy to feel weighed down by a long list of traditions and expectations. Some are meaningful, yet others outdated. In our Traditions Issue, we’re exploring how modern couples are reshaping what their celebrations look like, and Vanessa from The Wedding Creators is here to remind us that it’s perfectly okay to do things your own way. Vanessa unpacks some of the most common “shoulds” couples feel pressured into and shows how freeing it can be to swap them out for choices that feel authentic, joyful, and truly yours.

Photography: Matt Ashton from Laura & Mitch’s Modern Wedding At Seacliff House 

You get engaged, and suddenly the world hands you a script.
You should wear white.
You should have bridesmaids.
You should spend big on flowers.
You should follow tradition.

But what if those “shoulds” don’t sit right with you? What if they feel more like pressure than pleasure?

Here’s the good news! Your wedding doesn’t need to follow anyone else’s rules, not your mum’s, not a wedding magazine’s and not your well-meaning aunt’s. When you give yourself permission to break free from outdated expectations, something incredible happens – your wedding becomes yours.

Let’s be clear. There’s nothing wrong with tradition if it holds meaning for you. But if it doesn’t, you have full permission to say that it’s “not for us.” Tradition shouldn’t feel like a burden, or a box you have to squeeze into. Your wedding is a celebration of you, not a checklist of obligations.

Here are some common wedding “shoulds” you’re allowed to break, and some creative, meaningful alternatives.

Photography: KLD Photography from Lauren & Warwick’s Colourful Party Wedding at Eleven Eighty 

The White Dress

The “Should”: Brides must wear a white gown.

Drop it if: White isn’t your style, doesn’t suit your skin tone, or just doesn’t feel like you.

Try Instead:

  • A colourful or printed gown (think bold florals, celestial embroidery, soft pastels).
  • A chic jumpsuit or suit.
  • A sentimental heirloom outfit from a loved one.
  • Anything that makes you feel radiant and yourself.

Tip: If you want a nod to tradition without going full white, consider incorporating ivory into accessories or layering it with your colour of choice.

The Bouquet Toss

The “Should”: Toss the bouquet to single women (and make it a spectacle).

Drop it if: It feels awkward, outdated, or forced.

Try Instead:

  • Gift your bouquet to a family member or someone who helped with your day.
  • Keep your bouquet and have it preserved as a keepsake.
  • Hand out mini posies to friends during the reception as a thank-you gesture.

Photography: Mitch Pohl from Rebecca & Max’s Botanical-Inspired Wedding at The Cove 

The Assigned Seating Chart

The “Should”: Assign everyone to a seat (even your cousin’s new boyfriend).

Drop it if: You want a more relaxed, communal vibe.

Try Instead:

  • “Choose your own seat” signage with shared banquet tables.
  • Lounge-style setups with scattered seating.
  • Food truck receptions where guests mingle freely.

Tip: For large weddings, offer just a few reserved tables (for elders, families, or accessibility needs) and let the rest flow organically.

Photography: Storytellers Wedding Co from Emily & Shae’s Modern Romantic Wedding At Seacliff House

The Speeches

The “Should”: There must be formal speeches from multiple people.

Drop it if: Public speaking stresses you (or your loved ones) out.

Try Instead:

  • A casual toast from just the two of you.
  • A short video message or thank-you card on each guest’s seat.
  • Private words shared with your nearest and dearest before or after the ceremony.

Photography: Georgia Wiggs from Jo & Z’s Vibrant DIY Wedding in Victoria 

The First Dance

The “Should”: The couple must have a first dance.

Drop it if: You hate being the centre of attention, or dancing in public isn’t your thing.

Try Instead:

  • Invite everyone to the floor from the start for a group dance.
  • Share a quiet moment together during a sunset walk instead of a spotlight moment.
  • Play your favourite song during dinner and simply soak it in without needing to perform.

Photography: Greta Wolzak Photography from Sam & Kareena’s Indian Scottish Fusion Wedding at Clover Cottage 

Crafting Your Own Meaning

If a tradition doesn’t resonate, ask yourself, “What do I want to feel instead?”

Once you know the emotion you’re chasing – joy, connection, calm, intimacy, it becomes easier to craft a moment that genuinely delivers it.

Tip: Make a list of the top 3 things that matter most to you both. Maybe it’s great food, dancing under the stars, a deeply personal ceremony, or just having your dog there. Let those things guide every decision.

Photography: Olguin Photography from Brianna & Brody’s Fun-Filled Wedding at Worrowing Jervis Bay 

A Wedding That Feels Like You

When you strip away the noise and lean into what actually matters, your wedding becomes a truer reflection of your story. The energy changes. The stress lifts. Guests walk away saying, “That was so them.”

You don’t need permission from anyone to do things differently, but in case you’re waiting for a sign? This is it.

Photography: SomethingsWild from Dani & Vicki’s Charming Rustic Wedding at Barn On The Ridge 

Drop the “Shoulds.” Embrace the “Coulds.”

You don’t need a white dress. Or a giant cake. Or matching robes for ten bridesmaids.
You just need love, intention, and a willingness to trust your gut.

Because the most memorable weddings aren’t the most traditional. They’re the most authentic.

About The Wedding and Event Creators: At The Wedding & Event Creators, our team is able to offer a comprehensive approach to your wedding by having everything in-house! We can cover all your styling, hiring, planning, coordination, setup, and floral needs. We can assist from the beginning with styling concept and design through to set up, hiring goodies, florals, and then execution on the wedding day.