You live together, you’ve travelled together, and you’ve talked endlessly about your future plans together. Yet, when it comes to planning your wedding day you get butterflies in your tummy – and not the good ones! What’s that about? So I thought I’d deep dive into all of that today with “How To Have Less Stress While Wedding Planning” by me – Rachel of Fern Weddings!

If you were to break down your wedding day, and the planning process, and look at all the different things going on in the lead-up to, and on the day, almost every single thing alone would have some level of stress attached to it. Whether it be family dynamics, financial stress, or decision fatigue. Without even realising it, we throw all these stress-inducing things together to make up what should be the happiest days of our lives.

The easiest way to find the least stressful path to your wedding day is to work out what is triggering for you and come up with a strategy to overcome those stresses. Let’s have a look at some common hurdles couples face, and tips to overcome them.

Image: Make Ones Way Weddings

It’s A Big Event

Actually, it could be the biggest event you’ve ever planned.

Planning an event can be very stressful and for very good reasons. You have multiple vendors to source and coordinate and never-ending decisions to be made.

If you were to compare a wedding to a charity dinner or an awards night, for example, they have a lot of similarities in terms of scale and complexities. Yet those events have teams of experts working on them. Unless you hire a wedding planner, and even if you do, you are still taking on a massive event on top of your other responsibilities, such as your full-time job.

Some people absolutely love planning events and enjoy every moment. For most people, however, it’s their worst nightmare.

Tips:

  • Hire a wedding planner if your budget allows.

  • Be super organised!

  • Treat the event like a project and map out every task and tick them off methodically.

  • Purchase a wedding planning guide (there are loads available online and a paid version might save you a lot of stress in the long run)

  • Ask family and friends for help, and accept help when it’s offered.

  • Talk to your vendors about your concerns. Remember they are the experts and do this every day!

Image: Luna & Willow

The Money!

It’s the most amount of money you’ve ever spent on a single day.

Whether you’re sitting comfortably within your budget or have to do overtime to cover the costs of your wedding, it will likely be the most amount of money you will ever spend on a party. And that may play on your mind.

Tips:

  • Set a realistic budget and stick to it. Don’t be tempted to do sneaky upgrades if they don’t fit into your budget.

  • Surrender to your budget. Once you’ve set the budget, don’t question it. Consider that money already spent, so as you’re making each instalment, don’t even think about what else you could be spending the money on.

  • Purchase a premium Wedding Budget Spreadsheet. You’ll find plenty online and this is one area where going for the top version over the free version will absolutely benefit you in the long run.

Image: Make Ones Way Photography

Decision Fatigue

When planning your wedding, you’re constantly making decisions. Guests lists, colours, menus, songs… the list is endless. And making this many decisions can be exhausting, especially when you have multiple people’s opinions to consider and you’re getting conflicting input. And especially when you risk offending people if you don’t go with their suggestions and preferences. Or maybe the opposite is true! All you want is some input or advice but you’re left making the decisions all by yourself.

Tips:

  • Plan your decision-making. Do you and your partner want to decide everything together, or can you divide and conquer? Can one choose the music while the other one chooses the photographer? Could you outsource the menu selection to a foodie family member?

  • Set time aside each week to make decisions. For example, make every Tuesday night your “Wedding Date Night” and it is dedicated purely to making wedding decisions. Have your list and work through each decision, one by one

  • It’s better to make a decision and change your mind than make no decision at all. Pick a colour, pick an entree, pick a song. At least it’s a starting point. You can always go back and change the decision, but if your list of decisions only gets longer and not shorter, you’ll be completely overwhelmed

Image: Ben Adams

It Can Be All-Consuming…

You’ve been living, eating, and breathing this day for months and months, maybe even years!

Some people have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little. As trends change over the years, they have imagined every version of their wedding day, and now they get to make all those plans a reality. And for some people, the moment they start planning their wedding is the first time they’ve ever thought about it. Either way, from the moment you start planning your wedding it can become all-consuming. Every time you see your family or friends they ask about your wedding. Your emails are taken over by wedding vendors, and your social media algorithm changes to wedding content only. You are living and breathing your wedding and it becomes all-consuming.

Tips:

  • Set up a separate email address for all things wedding related. This way it won’t infiltrate your work or personal emails.

  • Plan your week to include wedding planning days and wedding-free days. For example, you might only complete wedding tasks on Sunday – Tuesday and Wednesday – Saturday is wedding-free zones. No wedding chat, no wedding appointments, no checking of the wedding email!

  • Try to get as much planning done as quickly as possible so you have a break from it in the lead-up to the day

  • Outsource whatever you can. If your sister wants to make handmade wedding favours, let her!

Images: Luna & Willow

The Centre of Attention

You’re the centre of attention ALL DAY!

On your wedding day, it’s not only the introverts amongst us who feel the pressure. You’ll have all eyes on you from the moment you wake up to the moment you leave your wedding, and especially during many key moments: the ceremony, entering the reception and your first dance, to name a few. And of course, you’ll want to say hello to every single guest and spend some time with them. You will feel emotionally and physically exhausted.

Tips:

  • Acknowledging this will be the case absolutely helps. Acknowledge and accept this is how the day will be so it doesn’t catch you unaware

  • Plan to be exhausted and conserve as much of your energy as you can in the lead-up to the day. Stay away from people who exhaust you. Do as many things that give you energy as you can. Try to finalise your last wedding ‘jobs’ at least three days before your wedding.

  • Make sure you eat and drink throughout the day, and plan for it! You don’t want to have to go through McDonald’s drive-through on your way to the ceremony.

  • Start your wedding day out the best way for you. Do whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed and gives you energy – exercise, meditate, swim in the ocean, or go fishing!

  • Take time out throughout the day/evening just for yourself. Take a little walk with your new spouse or even a friend.

Image: Make Ones Way Photography

Emotional Public Speaking

You’ll be speaking about your innermost thoughts and feelings in front of everyone.

It is widely reported that more than 70% of people experience anxiety around public speaking. And there you are, getting up on your wedding day, telling your family and friends, and maybe even your colleagues, what you love about your partner and why you want to spend the rest of your life with them. On a microphone.

Tips:

  • Write your vows and speeches in advance. Make sure you’re comfortable with what you’re saying. Don’t feel pressured to say more than you want to. Your partner knows how you feel, so if you want to keep those thoughts between the two of you, that’s ok!

  • Talk to your celebrant about your concerns. They will have tips to guide you and they will have strategies to help you throughout the day.

  • Practise reading your vows out loud over and over until you no longer cry. And if, during the ceremony, you do cry, let the emotion out and regroup. It will be easier to continue if you have a little cry than if you try to hold it in. You know what they say, better out than in!

Image: Make Ones Way Photography

Guest Stress

You’re bringing all the people in your lives together, possibly for the first time.

For some people, bringing different groups of family and friends together is one of the scariest things that can happen! Will they all get along? Will some people feel left out? What if they don’t like each other?

Tips:

  • If anyone is coming on their own, make plans so they can meet other people beforehand. This often happens already with hens/bucks parties.

  • Ask your friendliest friends to check on those you’re worried about.

  • Do a table seating plan. That way you can ensure everyone sits with someone they know.

  • Trust that these people want only the best for you. They will make an effort to get along with the people you love.

Images: Ben Adams

The Unexpected

Hollywood (or Summer Bay) VS Reality of it all.

How often have we seen on a tv show or in a movie that one member of the couple getting married has either not turned up, is really late or is having seriously cold feet at the aisle? It’s such an easy way to create drama and suspense that they run with the theme every single time!

Yes, sometimes people are late but that’s usually for a very good and unavoidable reason. But having cold feet and not turning up? It just doesn’t really happen anymore! Generally speaking, couples are far more prepared for marriage than in previous generations. Couples live together before marriage, our generations engage in therapy more frequently, and there are so many more resources available to guide us navigating this transition.

And the other thing that only happens in the movies? Asking if anyone objects to the wedding going ahead. It just doesn’t happen in real life.

Tips:

  • Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.

  • Speak with a therapist, as there might be something else going on that’s triggering these concerns.

  • Look into pre-marriage counselling services for extra peace of mind.

Image: Ben Adams

The Drama

You’re dealing with other people’s emotions, realities and dramas.

Weddings bring up a lot of emotions for other people, good and bad. They often reflect on their own relationships – your newlywed best friends will be reliving their dream day from 6 months ago all over again, and your recently divorced cousin might be fighting back tears.

Estranged family members might be in the same room for the first time in a really long time and are feeling very anxious. And of course, other factors such as too much alcohol sometimes causes people to behave in ways they otherwise wouldn’t.

Tips:

  • Try not to take on other people’s emotions. Acknowledge that this day might bring up some things for your loved ones, but this isn’t the day for you to be acting as their therapist.

  • If you anticipate there might be an issue, talk to those people beforehand and let them know your concerns. They might not even realise this will be a trigger for them.

  • Word up a friend or family member so they can be on standby to deal with any issues so you don’t have to. If they know, they may be able to prevent an issue before it happens

  • Warn your venue manager in advance if they need to keep a close eye on alcohol service for certain people.

Image: Make Ones Way Photography

Have you ‘Nailed It’?

You might be worried about what other people think of the choices you’ve made. Will they like your music, your colour scheme, and your choice of meals? Will they be talking about your wedding in a good way or a bad way? This is particularly common when lots of your friends and family members are getting married within a couple of years of each other, and it becomes quite common to compare

Tips:

  • Try not to think about what other people will think when making decisions. It makes sense no two people would choose the same thing, and if they don’t like what you’ve chosen, that’s ok

  • Be true to what you want and as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters

Images: Luna & Willow

So Many Emotions

Your wedding day is a big deal. It’s a celebration of your love, of where you’ve come from, and your plans for the future. It’s having the people most important to you with you on the day, or, if they can’t be with you for whatever reason, wishing they were there. And such a big and important day brings along big and important emotions. You will probably feel them all at some point in the lead-up to and on the day. And it can become quite overwhelming.

Tips:

  • Take time to reflect in advance on what emotions this day is going to bring up for you. Write them down in your journal, or talk about them with your partner or best friend. Feel the feelings as they come up, process them and send them on their way

  • Take care of yourself. Have the plan to make sure you are in the best space you can be. Whether it be yoga, meditation, exercise, a massage etc. Plan to be the happiest and most relaxed you can be on your wedding day

The easiest way to have a stress-free wedding is to plan for it. By knowing what is causing you to be stressed, you are in a position to be able to do something about it. Make a plan today to have an enjoyable, stress-free wedding!

Image: Ben Adams

About Fern Weddings: Rachel Bracken from Fern Weddings is a marriage celebrant who brings the magic. Covering the NSW Mid Coast of NSW through to Sydney, creating ceremonies that just feel right.