The ceremony is the heart of your wedding day, but those vows you write for each other are what make it truly personal. Speaking your own words, however simple or heartfelt can be one of the most memorable parts of the day.

Still, finding the right words can feel a bit overwhelming. Where do you even start? Sydney celebrant and internationally published writer Meggan Brummer is here today to share her best tips. Meggan has helped countless couples craft vows that feel genuine, bring the right mix of warmth and laughter, and truly capture their story. Below, she shares practical ideas to help you get started and write vows that sound like you.

While the ceremony is the heart of your day, those personally written vows become the heart of your ceremony.  They’re your opportunity to really express your love and gratitude for each other. Writing and then reading them to each other during your wedding ceremony is gorgeously intimate.

Before you begin, writing your vows, you might want to do a small exercise to bring you into the moment and enable you to write from your heart.  You could sit together for a meditation, or do a few rounds of box breathing.  You’ll find some great meditations on sattva app.

Box breathing, also known as square breathing, is done using slow, long, deep breaths.  Not only can it bring you into the present moment, it is also a powerful stress reliever. Simply breathe in for the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, breathe out for the count of 4 and then hold for the count of four.  Repeat for 10 rounds.

Here are 10 tips to help you write yours…

1. Start Early

Writing your vows is a creative process and creativity doesn’t happen easily under pressure.  When you write your vows, edit them and then edit them a few times more, until you reach a draft you feel happy with. But remember, don’t overdo it… too much editing can drive you nuts!

2. Finish Early

Commit to a deadline that’s at least two or three weeks before your wedding ceremony.  There can be a lot to take care of in those final weeks, so avoid throwing a last-minute stress into the mix.

3. Agree On An Approximate Length

You might want to start by agreeing on 5 or 10 lines, something to get you going. If you find it’s too much or too little, you can always re-negotiate.  There’s no right or wrong length, but avoid having them noticeably different.

4. Secret or Open?

Decide together whether you’d like to keep your vows a secret from each other until your wedding ceremony.  If you do, you’d each send them to me separately.  Then I can read over them and give you constructive feedback if needed. This is where I check for similar tone and “weight” ensuring that you both feel you were equally honoured as well as equally honouring of each other.

The question of whether secret or open is right is just down to personal preference. Keeping them secret has them be like a gift you give each, making them more impactful and bringing an element of surprise to your ceremony. Conversely, if you’re feeling stressed around it, agreeing to be open during the writing may alleviate the pressure.

5. The Opening

Open with a statement about who your partner is to you.  – “You’re my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life.”  You might also wan to mention the time when you first realised you were ‘in love’ with them.

6. Looking Forward

Include a glimpse into your shared future – your goals and your aspirations?  What are you looking forward to sharing with this person? Eg. “I’m excited to start a family with you and build our eco-friendly dream home together.”

7. Promises Promises

Decide what you’d like to promise and then promise it.  All relationships have their ups and downs, so you might want to reassure your partner that you’re in it for keeps. For example, “I promise to always be there for you in the mind-blowingly amazing times as well as the very challenging ones.”

For a bit of humour you might want to add in some lighthearted promises. eg. “I promise to do the dishes at least.…”  If you decide to throw in some lighter promises, I suggest not too many.  And make sure you end on the most sincere ones so that your vows don’t sound trite.

8. How To End Your Wedding Vows

A great way to end your wedding vows is with the most meaningful promise of all and then by reminding them that you love them. If you don’t want to end by saying, “I love you,” do at least consider saying those three words at some point in your wedding vows.

9. Your Wedding Vows Should Sound Like You

Don’t worry about your vows being grammatically correct or having the perfect syntax. What’s more important is that your wedding vows come straight from your heart and sound like you.

10. Having Said That…

A bit of vow-borrowing is ok.  If writing’s not your thing and you feel stuck, read other people’s vows, or get help from my starter pack, which includes heaps of really great wedding vow samples. You could even pick out a few lines which you feel you could say authentically to your partner.  If you do – tweak them to make sure they sound like you.

Off you go!

Images throughout this post captured by Bonny Wythes via Lauren & Nico’s Rustic & Pretty Sydney Wedding

About The Author: Meggan Brummer is a Sydney marriage celebrant, internationally published writer, and yoga teacher who believes every ceremony should be filled with real stories, laughter, and meaning. Meggan weaves together her love of words, her passion for personal growth, and her background in drama and meditation to create ceremonies that are heartfelt, joyful, and truly unforgettable. Whether she’s writing a couple’s love story or leading a group in mindful reflection, Meggan brings warmth, creativity, and genuine connection to everything she does. Find out more at her website.

This story first appeared on Mindfully Wed, and we’re so glad to now share it as part of Polka Dot Wedding. Find out more about the move here.