Gentle reader, forgive this brief foray into self-aggrandising; I propose that my self-interest and yours align quite closely (you know: trickle down effect, all that jazz), so if you’ll indulge me…

Once I’ve been elected Global Autocrat (in recognition of my contributions to society, general brilliance, et al.) things will proceed as follows:

You and you partner (we’ll call you… Mr & Ms Awesome for expediency – even though you’re not yet married so probably don’t have the same surname unless you’re cousins – which is totally legal in Australia. Google it if you don’t believe me) contact me early in your planning stages. “Ellen!” you’ll say “We’re planning our wedding! And because we’re neither siblings nor ancestors/descendants it’s totally legal! And, my cousin-betrothed/non-related affianced partner and I are firmly of the belief that photos are the most important thing on our day!”.

I will lean back in my throne and stroke my moustache (I’m not sure why I have a moustache now, let’s just run with it) before imparting several sage pieces of advice:

My loyal subjects, the first and most important consideration is the light. The nastiest light of the day is between 11 and 2 – when the sun is directly overhead casting shadows and being generally unpleasant. We can put mitigation strategies in place to deal with nasty-sun, but if you can arrange it – plan for your ceremony and photos to be held close to the magical time my people call The Golden Hour. This is the hour before sunset. It’s soft, it’s warm, and it’s flattering. (Incidentally, The Golden Hour also likes to pay a visit at the inconvenient post-dawn hour. There’s not much we can do with this, unless you’re super keen and value photography over pre-wedding day sleep. Your call, you crazy kids!).

The second consideration is your styling. Your bouquets. Your decorations. Your handmade pompoms. Your accoutrements, bomboniere, your pamplemousse. These things are important (especially the pamplemousse). BUT. Not so important that you should lose sleep over them. And not so important that if you really can’t be [expletive] dedicating the time and energy they require to organise them that it will really matter so much. Because this is about you, and your gorgeous cousin/unrelated true love. Style to express your character and celebrate your relationship, don’t worry too much about the latest trends. Enlist the help of professionals wherever possible – these people know how to pull together something stylish without the risk of breaking into stress-hives, or some other unpleasant/unsightly/itchy condition.

Finally: posing. Tell me what you hate about photos of yourself (and like, if you like). Of course when I’m Boss-of-the-world these things will no longer concern me – but I hate: photos where you can see my sticky-out ears, my profile from some angles, and when one of my eyes sometimes looks blinkier than the other. If I know these things I can be careful when I shoot, and when I choose images to supply. I try to keep out of your way as much as I can because your natural body language and interaction with your partner will always look nicer than me yelling at you through my megaphone (there’s not a real megaphone, this is just one of my Boss-tools). But if you’re nervous in front of the camera let me know and I can make suggestions and guide you to make you more comfortable. Pro tip: posing with a thing (flower, balloon, pamplemousse) can help turn you from a Nervous Nelly to a Comfortable Catherine, or Relaxed Robert.

(See how big my ears are?)

In conclusion: start your conversation with your photographer early – my people are very clever, and welcome all your questions, however silly. And my non-core election commitments include: cutting taxes, stopping crime, funding the arts, and adding an extra day to every weekend.

Photography by Studio Something

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Ms Gingham says: Sage advice and a very entertaining post! We love you Ellen… you’re the best!

Ellen from Studio Something says: I love weddings. I love Dad speeches, cakes with too much icing, puffy dresses, nervous grooms, tipsy bridesmaids, teary grandpas, and the giddy anticipation of couples in love. I also love my camera, and think I have the best job in the world.

Read more posts by Ellen here.