The task of crafting vows can be a daunting challenge, leaving many of us staring blankly at the page. Fear not though, for this shared sentiment of uncertainty is a familiar companion on the journey to matrimony. The wonderful Zachary T Conway – The Magic Goldsmith is helping guide us today with how to write vows from the heart.
Photography: Furkan F Demir
You’re sitting there, pen tapping the page, staring listlessly out the window, mind wandering off, distracted. Again. You shake your head and return to the page.
The blank page.
It stares back at you. Taunting you.
You squint your eyes back at it in challenge; perhaps a little “grrr…” escapes your lips.
Why are writing vows so hard? Why won’t the right words come?
You imagine your partner has already found the perfect words. It is probably so easy for them. Why can’t I find the right words, you wonder?
Photography: Zachary T. Conway
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. As you prepare to get married, the butterflies are doing aerobics in your belly. It’s all come up so fast, hasn’t it? Is it really time to write these already? Yes. And it’s okay. Everyone experiences the same sensations.
But here’s the secret: let’s use some simple techniques together to write vows from the heart, not the head. That’s the trick, see? Getting out of your mind and dropping into your heart space. Here, words will flow as strong as your love for your partner, your lover, the one you cherish above all.
First, put down the pen and the page, ignore their taunts for a moment, and do this for me. Close your eyes and imagine standing there, at the altar, in front of your partner, at your ceremony. The moment. The start of the rest of your lives. You stare into their eyes. What do you want them to feel when you speak when you say your vows? See, I said, “feel” and not “think”. What do you wish they could truly feel at that moment?
Do you want them to feel seen? Feel heard? That throughout your relationship together, you were watching and listening? Watching how they move, their smallest gestures of love, the care they showed during the hard times, the good times? That you listened to their stories, their memories, the things they are passionate about, that light them up? The small things that had meaning to them?
Now, imagine your lover reading their vows to you. Do you want to feel seen, heard, truly loved? Do you want to feel that the entire world looks past you, but your lover alone sees you, shining bright? Sounds really nice doesn’t it? Feeling a little glow right now?
That’s a great sign. What we just did there is imagine from the heart, not the head. We removed the logic and sat in the heart space. Did you feel emotional imagining it? That’s it! That is the key. Emotion lies in the heart, not the mind.
So, how do we write from this space? How do we find the words? Simple. Let’s do a little mindfulness exercise together to drop into the heart space. It’ll be fun. Trust me. Let’s make a little ritual of it.
Here’s what you’ll need:
– Some incense that makes you breathe deep and relax. Frankincense and Myrrh do that for me. Find your favourite.
– A nice little candle, preferably beeswax, as they clean the air; fake ones damage the air.
– Some meaningful items from your relationship: a photo, tickets to a show, dried flowers, a letter. Small items representing loving memories you’ve shared.
– Paper and a pen (the non-judgemental kind)
Find a safe, quiet space where you can relax and won’t be disturbed. Set the candle on a table in front of you, the incense next to it, and light both. Place your sentimental items safely around in a little altar; make it pretty and nice.
As you sit there in front of the altar, your mind is likely busy and all over the place. Don’t worry, it’s easy. Let the incense wash over you and calm your breathing. Close your eyes and breathe slow and deep into your belly. Spend a good 5 minutes or longer here in simple mindful meditation. The goal is to let the turbulence of your mind settle down and relax your breathing, in turn relaxing your nervous system.
Photography: Stephanie Lima
Once your mind has settled and your deep breathing has calmed you, ease your eyes open and begin watching the candle flame lazily, not intently. Spend some time just staring at the flame with soft, focused vision. Imagine your heart space opening. Send your awareness from your mind down to your heart, the centre of your chest. Imagine a warm and loving sphere of energy here slowly opening up and getting bigger, opening to envelop your surrounding space. You should feel warmth and love here.
From this open space, begin to remember your lover, your relationship. Look at the items on the altar and let memory wash through. Let emotion wash through you from your heart. Let this little journey take you for a moment, imagine your partner’s face. Their laughter. Their smile when they say, “I Love You”. Now imagine your wedding, your future, your life together. Let the colour and emotion of this experience wash through you, suffusing your body in a loving Glow. If you’re not crying, laughing, or our favourite – cry/laughing here, I’d be quite surprised; it’s a very emotional experience.
You’ve opened your heart space and are sitting in the true emotion of your love. Well done. It may even be the first true moment you’ve ever done this, especially in your relationship. It’s a beautiful thing. From here, at this moment, when you’re feeling the deepest emotion, pick up one of the items representing your lover in front of you. Imagine you’re at the altar, the wedding altar, looking into their eyes. What do you want to say to them? What memory do you want to share that made you fall in love with them? Talk about that. Describe how you feel. How much you love them. Tell them now and write it down. Write from the heart, let it be deep, let it be raw. Let it be true and real. Let it be you, the real you. Your heart, not your mind.
Photography: Key Notez
That’s it. That is all it takes. Yay! You did it. You really did it. YOU wrote your vows. Look at the page in front of you, the possibly tear-streaked words that may be slightly illegible and will likely need rewriting. Yay! You did it. I am so proud of you.
See, it’s not so hard. It’s just about dropping into the heart. As a Storyteller first and a Goldsmith second, I guide couples through this experience each week. My role is to work with lovers to open their hearts, discover their love stories, guide them into writing their deepest and truest intentions and prayers for their union, and then during my own ritual, I add these written prayers into the molten metal that becomes their rings. It’s a deeply emotional and incredibly sentimental, meaningful experience that I will do for the rest of my life. I get to work with lovers, like you, and bask in their true love, true happiness. It’s one of the most joyous parts of my life.
Photography: Jonathan Borba
So, take a deep breath, drop into your heart, and let the words flow. Your perfect vows are waiting to be written, straight from the heart.
Zachary T. Conway, The Magic Goldsmith, weaves your love story into deeply meaningful ceremonial jewellery in the Margaret River Region of Western Australia. Zachary guides couples through transformative and immersive ritual in the creation of engagement and wedding rings, transmuting your love story into forever treasure. Zachary’s work is in deep demand, he only works with 3 couples per season by an application process. Zachary also works as a jeweller for the famous and renowned John Miller Design, in his Yallingup and Margaret River Gallery, as part of a gifted team of traditional process jewellers bringing magic to the South West.
