Image by Ms Gingham via Instagram
We had three requests for guests at our wedding:
1. Stay seated throughout the ceremony
2. No photography
3. No photos on social media sites
After 6 months of writing and re-writing the ceremony, ploughing through the Internet searching for the most heartfelt words, being stubborn with the celebrant on how I wanted the ceremony to run, I felt quite justified in asking this of our friends and family. Most understood and were very respectful of our wishes.
I am very proud of the ceremony I crafted – every section, every reading, every word had a purpose. It meant something to us and represented who we were and our experiences together. It celebrated our love and connection and I wanted everyone to feel that. I wanted there to be tears. Our wedding was in the country, so we also wanted guests to enjoy the ambiance – the gentle breeze, the bush landscape, animals in nearby paddocks. Guests taking photos, blocking other’s views would have destroyed the magic of the ceremony.
What I really dislike is guests leaving their seats to crowd around a bride and groom to take photos. Surely, it cannot be a quality photo they are taking and how many times will they look at it in the future? Many weddings have I been to where people feel it is okay to jump up and take photos and many times have I sat there thinking, “Why can’t people just enjoy the moment?” The emotions created during the ceremony are lost as people crowd around, snapping cameras or mobile phones (the bride and groom having no idea which camera to look in) and then noisily returning to their seat only for the bride and groom to quickly compose themselves again to continue the ceremony after the onslaught of camera flashes.
*shudder*
Thus the NO PHOTOGRAPHY request was made. There was debate on whether it should be minimal or no photography. However, with the question of ‘how many photos is minimal?’ we decided that asking guests to refrain from taking photos was the right choice for us. We had a lot of trust in the photographer to capture the ceremony, and knew that as she was a professional the photos would be beautiful, which is how I wanted to remember the day. Guests were informed that all the professional photos would be shared.
There were a number of people who snuck in a few photos from their haybale seat, but on the whole guests just sat and enjoyed the celebration. Having the STAY SEATED request helped minimise photos, as did keeping the guests occupied during the registry signing with a ring warming ceremony. We also moved to a different location to sign the registry (they couldn’t follow due to the STAY SEATED rule hehe). I do not like people thinking by signing the registry, you are married. Not true. It is the vows – a verbal contract – that makes you married. The registry is simple a record for the country that it happened. So, by moving to a different area, the registry became less of a focus for the guests, ensuring the words, readings, ring warming and other sections that they could see and participate in be the main event.
Finally, our third rule NO PHOTOS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Our celebrant informed us at the rehearsal that no social media at weddings is not uncommon, with many brides and grooms requesting a social media blackout. The idea appealed to us. Our wedding day was a private moment, which we chose to share with 60 of our closest family and friends. It was an intimate ceremony that was not for public viewing. With all the effort and time that went into every detail of the ceremony, we didn’t want it broadcasted to the world. This was our day – a special moment in our relationship.
I am glad that we made these requests of the guests. For the most part, they were respected. The focus remained on the words and on the feeling being created. Friends, aunts and parents had a part to play during the ceremony, which helped make the day so special. There were tears, as I had hoped. Many said it was the most beautiful ceremony they had ever been to and that the vows were so touching. It is this response, that I know my friends and family appreciated the work we went through to create a perfect moment about love.
Ms Gingham says: It’s an interesting thing. In a way, it’s flattering to know that people love what they’re seeing so much that they want to capture it. However, it’s super annoying and disrespectful when people take over and in some cases even block the space for the professional photographer to do their work!
About Amelia: “I am a primary school teacher who has just married the man of my dreams in a truly unique wedding in Stanthorpe, which I would love to share with others. We live in Brisbane and have a pug dog named Holly.”
This is becoming very common, and I offer it to all of my couples. I make the simple request at the beginning of the ceremony and tell the guests that the best gift you can give the couple is your presence.
Recently when I made the “Facebook Free Wedding” announcement, there was an audible gasp from the back of the crowd!
Congratulations Amelia, it sounds like you will always remember your beautiful ceremony as the most important moment of your wedding.
Melissa x
I really like this article, I’m getting married in April and would like to do something similar.
My one questions is how do you ask the guests politely to obey these rules? Or does the celebrant enforce them at the start of the ceremony??
You can do it a few ways Rubydog- the celebrant can make a brief request at the beginning of your ceremony, you can create a sign like the one in this post or pop a message in your order or service/program.