Dave and Koren

Being a marriage celebrant, a wedding junkie and an engaged woman, I read a LOT of wedding blogs, magazines and Facebook pages. Lately I’ve noticed a trend for brides to rant about some frankly ridiculous things. Things that they wouldn’t even consider twice in every day life. In fact, if it were happening to someone else, I’m certain they would laugh about it. (Seriously, you’re throwing a tantrum because someone saw one of your wedding favours before the day?).

When Dave proposed, my biggest fear was that I would turn into one of these bridezillas. That I would lose all perspective and make it about THE DAY and not the life we’re sharing. That I would worry about tiny little things that meant not a jot to anyone else and would be forgotten about as soon as we left the reception. Let’s not kid ourselves about the risk of this happening – after all, I live and breathe weddings and had my first custom-made wedding dress before I was five*. There was risk. Whoa, was there risk. I was determined to do whatever was necessary to avoid it.

Dave and I got engaged on the first day of a five week holiday and made a quick decision that we would tell only our families, keeping it a secret from everyone else until we were home. This was for two reasons – firstly, we didn’t want the people dear to us finding out via Facebook or email. It seemed too impersonal, too hurried. It simply wasn’t us. Dave and I wanted to share the news with our friends in person and enjoy all the hugs and celebrations that go with such an announcement.

Secondly, we knew that as soon as we announced our engagement, we would have to face the barrage of questions that inevitably follow. You know the ones. Have you got a date? Where are you getting married? Who’s in your bridal party? Have you found a dress? Having those five weeks to ourselves meant that we were able to make decisions together before answering those well-intentioned but tiring questions.

Being in the industry, I had long thought that when we did get engaged, I would remain cool and calm about it all. I’m lucky enough to work with and know many brilliant suppliers, so planning a wedding would be easy – right? To an extent, it was. I made a few calls and we had much of it booked within two months of arriving home. But despite my determination not to, I started veering into Zilla-ville.

It began when we heard with rather frightening regularity, ‘wow, a celebrant getting married? I can’t wait to see what YOU do!’. Those two sentences threw me, an otherwise calm and rational person, into a momentary panic. I suddenly understood why those poor brides were venting on social media. Expectations carry with them a heavy weight and the idea that your wedding will lead to a judgement about you, your partner and your relationship is a scary one.

‘Oh my goodness!’ went my poor brain.  ‘We have to have a completely original wedding full of entirely new concepts! I must impress everyone with my creativity otherwise they’ll think we’re rubbish!’

Thankfully, I regained my senses that same day and remembered that on our wedding day, there will definitely be one thing no one has ever seen before and it’s the only thing that matters. Us.

No one has ever seen Dave and I standing in front of the people we love, saying proudly ‘THIS is the person I choose to spend my life with.’ That’s the impressive part.

We’re getting married, not hosting the Olympics. Our wedding will be beautiful because of the commitment we’re making to one another, not because of how much money has been spent, how original the reception is or how outlandishly the room is decorated. There will be no fireworks, dancing girls or helicopters (sorry, darling). Those things might make a difference to our wedding, but they won’t matter at all to our marriage.

On the day, there’ll just be two people making a commitment to love, care and fight for each other for the rest of their days. That, in itself, is pretty awesome – and the only thing worth worrying about.

I can’t wait to see us do it, either.

*You’ll notice I said ‘first’. My dear Nan made it for me so I could dress up and live out bridal fantasies on a daily basis. I got my second one when I was 8 and had outgrown the first. The third one I’m wearing this year – when I actually get married.

Images by Red Butterfly Photography

Ms Gingham says: Very well said, very well written and a joy to read! Great post Koren!

Koren Harvey says: “I love standing with a groom waiting for his bride to arrive and watching the emotions well up in his eyes. I love seeing the joy on a bride’s face when she catches sight of her husband-to-be. I love what I do. Being a celebrant is the best job in the world.”